Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A Practical Application

I've griped at you previously about the horrendous conditions one must endure when flying commercially: bitchy flight staff, uppity counter help, intimate body searches, being squeezed into an aircraft like Jews headed to Auschwitz...
It's gone too far, or so I thought.

Now, some genius has come up with this nifty idea:
The new “saddle” seat, to be unveiled at a conference this
week, increases the number of seats an airline can have in its economy class.

The design, named the “SkyRider”, allows just 23 inches of legroom,
which is about seven inches less than the average seat's space of 30 inches.

Shaped similar to a horse saddle, passengers sit at an angle, with their
weight taken on by their legs. It allows seats to be overlapped.
It looks like this:

But don't let the picture fool you. Odds are you wont be saddled next to the nice smelling babe with the narrow hips and skinny thighs.

You'll be strapped-in real tight next the 350lb sweaty dude whose deodorant failed sometime last week, because that's just how this shit works.

Well, dammit, clearly these fuckers have no limits, and with it being huntin' season , understandably my mind is obsessed with all that goes with, so I'm gonna go all crazy-like and propose and idea of my own...

Presently, I'm working on a new seating design that is sure to revolutionise air travel worldwide.

First, we take the concept of the standard deer cooler...

And then we blend it with The Hunter Safety System, as you may recall, that I had endorsed just two brief years ago.

And I know this vest thingy works, having allowed myself some time to hang from it (for a few minutes), and it wasn't any less comfortable than your typical butt sweat-soaked airline seat.

Add, a short bungee cord near the top to take some of the jolt out of air turbulence...

And then charge tickets by the pound: those who require more airspace would pay more, obviously.

This would also solve the 'Fat Sweaty Guy Shoe-Horned Next To You' problem. His excess will never again be oozing over into the space you paid for.
And you know what else? He just may decide that flying isn't economical for him anymore since he won't have the skinny guy next to him subsidising his fare...

Which would be increase your chances of hanging out with that sweet-smelling babe for a couple of hours without first having to pony up for drinks.



Bike Bubba said...

Do they have to gut and skin you before you fly? :^)

Gino said...

i was hoping not, but the way they are going...

kr said...

I think my kids would LOVE the bouncing aspect ;). The people next to them and the pilot, maybe not so much!

The saddle-seat--holy crap, they want my legs to support me in that position for a flight???!? just seeing pictures of that contraption is likely to cause people to pony up more cash for their established skinny seats!!